Essay: Got A Ticket to Ride

Preparing for a final departure

It seemed a bit strange and awkward when my cardiologist came into my hospital room, leaned over, gave me a hug, and began to cry. 

Her behavior confirmed the surgeon’s earlier diagnosis that after nine days of being in the hospital undergoing treatment, there was nothing that could be done to address my severe kidney disease and failing heart. 

The surgeon had been straightforward about my life ending soon and that I should start palliative or hospice care that would help me die in a caring environment.

Being told all this was a bit to take in at one time. And yet, we all are dying and will have an end time. The advantage I have, over others, is I know what will take me unless something else intervenes like a flaming meteor streaking through the night sky. And, I also have time to prepare.

Life changes when you know it is shorter than one hoped. I’ve been taking care of all those financial odds and ends that you don’t want to leave for someone else to deal with. I’ve been asking people if I have anything they would like to have and I’m making a list that will make that aspect of passing easier.

More importantly, I’ve been visiting with friends and family and enjoying the time we have together. I’m glad these visits are just visits and not conversations about passing. Even my last visit with my primary care physician was casual with her saying anytime I just want to talk to call her 27-7.

It also motivates me to use my time wisely. I finished an interesting project this afternoon that documents those memories which have had meaning in my life. It was a project that began when my nephew wanted me to make a list of life accomplishments for use in a eulogy. 

I don’t want a eulogy, and so I suggested, why not, given my media production abilities, let me create a video celebrating my special memories using my own original photography and music. The project eventually came to focus on the people in my life, family, found family, friends, students and segments on making fry bread, cats, travel, writing, drawing, painting, and music composition. I have no desire to list any awards or recognitions that I may have achieved.

Although I find myself getting easily tired and napping a lot, I still have much to do. I have a couple of feature articles to write for publication and numerous fictional stories to share here on my blog. 

Given that my life has always been focused on teaching it seemed only natural that I’ve made myself available as a donor for medical school training. Maybe they will learn something new - hopefully.

Meanwhile, I know, being of stubborn headed Scandinavian heritage that I’ll be around for awhile as I have many things to do before I go.

“Don’t Cry for me Argentina!” I have no idea why those lyrics came to mind or why Argentina would ever want to cry for me, but it seems a fitting end to this story :-) Much love to all.